A Scientific Guide to the Maltese August Tan

Every August, a fascinating transformation takes place across the Maltese Islands. Pale shoulders emerge from offices, sunbeds fill up and everyone becomes extremely optimistic about their ability to handle the Mediterranean sun.

For scientific purposes, we have identified the main stages of the Maltese August tan.

Stage 1: “I Need Some Colour”
The subject arrives at the beach determined to get a “nice base”. Sunblock is applied carefully. An umbrella is nearby. Everything is under control.

Stage 2: Golden Confidence
A little colour has appeared. Compliments are received. Confidence rises dramatically. The subject begins saying things like, “I tan really easily.”

Stage 3: Sunblock Amnesia
It’s Santa Marija week. There’s a beach day, a boat day, a pool day and possibly another beach day. Sunblock application becomes increasingly casual. Shoulders and noses are particularly vulnerable.

Stage 4: “I’m Fine”
The skin is looking suspiciously pink.

“Are you burning?”

“No, no. That’s just the heat.”

It is not just the heat.

Stage 5: The Human Lobster
By evening, the evidence is undeniable. Sunglasses have left two pale circles around the eyes and sitting down suddenly requires careful planning.

Aloe vera is located. Regret sets in.

Stage 6: The Great Peel
Several days later, nature begins undoing all that hard work.

The subject looks down at a peeling shoulder and makes the annual promise:

“Next time, I’m staying in the shade.”

They will not.

And so the great Maltese August tanning cycle continues, year after year.

For actual scientific advice, however, there is only one stage worth remembering: wear your sunblock.

#MaltaDaily