Or – “the only way I feel as if I can compliment you right now is by putting down other women and the basic ways in which I have been taught that they act by popular culture and society, because I do not know how to compliment you for the individual that you are, and need someone else to be put down in order to show you that you are special”.
At its core – this sentiment originates within a very specific negative societal view of anything that is deemed ‘girly’ or feminine, or primarily enjoyed by feminine humans. Maintaining an aversion for the way “most women” or “most girls” act is something that is cemented within us from a very young age. Through pop culture and music and comedy routines, we are taught that if one acts ‘like a girl’, then they are doing something inherently cringe, and therefore is something that should be avoided, or that should be highly praised when avoided.
‘Ugh, you run like a girl.’ –
‘Ugh, you play like a girl.’ –
‘Ugh, you cry like a girl.’ –
‘Ugh, only girls watch that movie.’
Consider the teenage girl. No consumer demographic is drowned in more vitriol than teenage girls, and the content that they consume is often immediately written off by many adults as being unworthy of note, and undeserving of success. Profitable franchises like Twilight, for instance, have often been mocked and considered low-brow purely because it was perceived to have had teenage girls hold its success on their backs; boy bands like One Direction have been laughed at because their primary fan base has always been considered to be teenage girls; To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before as a TV series was considered cringe before it even came out on Netflix, because it was predicted to only attract teenage girls – even though this is exactly what led to its success also being predicted. Although society seems to be aware that there is so much power within the sphere of pop culture held by the teenage girl’s brain, it nonetheless seems to only be comfortable with and encouraging of them whilst it is possible to make money from that which they enjoy.
Society tells the teenage girl, “we want you to buy things and be open about your passion for this piece of media, but we also want you to grow up to be unlike other girls, because girls are basic and inherently cringe.” The teenage girl, forever in limbo, stuck between the capitalist ploys of society and the internalised misogyny it teaches them to hold dear.
So the teenager grows up to believe that they are supposed to seek out to be “not like other girls” – to relinquish all they used to like in their youth and impress their romantic interests by loudly and proudly exclaiming that they would never like to be considered as even remotely similar to the basic girls that they have been taught to despise. “You’re not like other girls” suddenly becomes the compliment to level all compliments, and one is able to hold it like a trophy over the heads of anyone else who dares to stoop so low as to enjoy feminine things.
“She is one of the guys”. The ultimate crown.
The thing about internalised misogyny is that it knows no gender. Many people do not consider the phrase “you’re not like other girls” to be something that perpetuates sexist ideals, because many women say it about themselves, and often go through a period of time where they take pride in distancing themselves from other women, in order to stand out. You may ask, how can it be wrong and sexist if all genders say it, and even sometimes believe it? Misogyny exists everywhere, and harms all of us in many ways, because the patriarchal society tries its hardest to make us hate many traits typically related to our gender, particularly those that exist within the nuances of femininity.
Ultimately, the statement ‘I’m not like other girls’ really does hold so much power within the minds of people, particularly young adults, when it really means nothing at all. Being unlike other people is not worthy of a trophy, but is ultimately inherently true. Nobody is like anybody else, because humans are all varied and gorgeous and strange and silly and different in almost everything they do. No two humans are the same, so being unlike someone else is just being a human person. If someone goes on a date with a young man one night and then starts dating a young woman the week after, they are going to be dating two entirely different human beings – no matter who they are or what they like.
Therefore, the notion of being ‘not like other girls’ holds no more or less aim than to enforce the idea that women should be forever at odds with each other, holding their internalised misogyny like a spear between themselves and all the other women they could be building relationships with – but are instead now trying to be different from. What a waste. Women are not one single thing that society can simply create an ‘other’ from – women are as varied and complex as any other gender, simply because they are human. Beautifully diverse as humans, above all else.
Loving and respecting other girls and women is the ultimate compliment, and is endlessly attractive, because respect and love are both beautiful things to feel and exude. It is not necessary to drag other women down in order to lift oneself up, nor to allow oneself to seem singular in the eyes of other people. One may do that by simply being themselves – in all their varied passions and identities and loves and characters and humanness.
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Enjoying girly things is not a necessity for any human being, but it is also not something that in any way makes one weak or lesser than – no matter one’s age, gender or sexuality.
Let us move towards seeing joy in being exactly ‘like other girls’ – because girls are awesome and different and cool, and as amazing as every single one of them that exist.
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