We have to stop saying #NotAllMen | by Għajjejt u Xbajt

 - Lifestyle - Aug 27 SHARE ON:

A tendon hammer tests the patellar reflex, the knee jerks, swinging forward.

All, probably, is okay. All is as it should be. It’s involuntary, something we don’t choose to do.


This involuntary knee jerk is fine for knees, but someone whose response to a discussion is equally involuntary, is nothing but a jerk themselves. Growing up, especially in the mud of adolescence, gives us a deep repertoire of knee-jerk reactions, our emotions set around insecurities, doubts, and anxieties — any time we feel threatened — and it turns into some form of immune system. Anytime someone comes close to one of those insecurities or anxieties we flare up, our knee jerks, our foot flails wildly into a conversation.

We don’t stop to consider what’s central, what matters, we become reactionary.

That’s all I hear when someone says or writes ‘Not All Men’, ditto ‘All Lives Matter’. It’s a distraction, noise, a wild kick that frustrates discourse and changes the subject.


When people — and men such as myself — are talking about the phenomenon of the many ways men can mistreat women, there is no need to remind anyone that it’s ‘Not All Men’. It is not insightful, it is not revelatory, it is not prophetic, it just changes the subject: from the problem people want to face and to the person saying “Not All Men”; the person who is so worried that they could be perceived poorly.

Especially when all men would do well to listen to these problems and say:


“I don’t want to be one of those men.”


Truth is, all men, all of us dudes, guys, and bros are socialised into the same soup, all of us exposed to many of the same ideas, images, stories, fears, anxieties, clichés and expectations. There are differences, little accidents that make us just that bit different from each other. None of us are immune to the excesses of our desire, or pride, or angst, or our desire to be funny at the expense of someone else. If we consider ourselves immune, exempt from the possibility of being better friends to each other, to women, then we are going to clumsily trample the safety and wellbeing of those women, of each other — and they might be too scared to even tell us. Worse, they do, but we believe we cannot be those men, those monsters. “That’s just how you felt,” we might say, “I’m sorry you felt that way,” we might deflect.


“Not all men.”

But, “not all men what?” ‘Not all men’ isn’t even a sentence, it’s just that knee-jerk reaction, that little voice saying “not me!”


All men will make mistakes. That’s easy enough to swallow, right? No one is going to chime in saying “not all men make mistakes!” That much, I hope, we can agree on.


So, why not listen?

We are, after all, desiring machines. The adolescent road to adulthood is one full of opportunities for feeding those desires, each opportunity a chance to hurt or to heal, to stunt or to grow, to love or to take.

I’ve messed up and misread signals, or projected my own desires onto women. When I did, I was met with frustration, disappointment, and even grace. All at once. I was lucky enough that they could tell me how they felt, that I was wrong, and corrected me when I was too insecure about being undesirable or being alone. Too self-absorbed to consider that maybe I wasn’t reading the situation well, at all, especially as a teenager, or even that; regardless of actual intentions; I made them feel uncomfortable. My knee jerk reaction then?


One time in my early twenties, I asked a friend of mine if we could hang out and watch a movie. They shut it down, and told me we weren’t romantic partners, an idea that hadn’t even crossed my mind and, really, surprised me. I went back to those texts to see how I responded.


It wasn’t good.

I went on the defensive and was too intent on being correctly perceived to realise what was actually important: my friend felt I was disrespecting her boundaries and had for a while been avoiding confronting me about the vibe I was giving off, that maybe I wanted to be more than friends. Reading it now, I became disappointed and angry in myself. Blindness to my own knee-jerk reaction, to a context that made someone calling me out for violating their boundaries. It wasn’t just asking them to watch a film with me but a general way of being that I thought to be acceptable and they felt too scared of offending me when I was the one that should have been scared of offending them.


That is the worst part of myself, the most harmful, the part that was so sure of my innocence and harmlessness that I didn’t want to consider that I could have hurt a friend.


That’s the damning thing about ‘Not All Men’, it stops us from being able to have opportunities to learn, to educate, to question, to reflect. Mistakes are inevitable, but if we always assume our own innocence and good intentions are enough, if we never doubt our knee-jerk reactions, if we plead Not All Men, then the first time someone tries to tell us something, something important, we will always make that mistake — and it ceases to be ‘just’ a mistake.




Manchester United owners considering Ronaldo transfer hijack

 - Sports - Aug 27 SHARE ON:
Manchester United owners considering Ronaldo Transfer hijack

Reports have emerged that the Glazer family, owners of English side Manchester United, are considering a hijack of Cristiano Ronaldo’s transfer ahead of his predicted move to Manchester City.

Acclaimed journalist Fabrizio Romano has revealed that negotiations between Manchester City and Cristiano Ronaldo are still verbal while the Portuguese football icon’s agent Jorge Mendes has been in direct contact with Manchester United, with the Reds being “seriously interested” in the deal.

Juventus are currently holding out for a €30 million fee for the 36-year-old, with coach Massimiliano Allegri revealing that Ronaldo had told him that he no longer has intentions of playing with the Bianconeri and will thus not be called up for Juventus’ game versus Empoli.


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WATCH: Kim Kardashian spotted with wedding dress at Kanye West’s Donda event

 - News - Aug 27 SHARE ON:
WATCH: Kim Kardashian spotted with wedding dress at Kanye West's Donda event

In the latest gasp-inducing twist in the controversial build-up towards Kanye West’s upcoming album ‘Donda’, Kim Kardashian was spotted at Chicago’s Soldier Field stadium in a wedding dress. During the finale of West’s listening party, the rapper’s soon-to-be-ex-wife appeared on stage in front of more than 40,000 fans with the controversial outfit, causing a tidal wave of speculation during a performance of ‘No Child Left Behind’.

The TV star and social media sensation reportedly showed up in the Balenciaga wedding dress in support of her and West’s four children and tops the list of the listening parties’ celebrity appearances which include Marilyn Manson and DaBaby. Manson and DaBaby both received media backlash after the former’s sexual assault & abuse allegations and the latter’s homophobic comments during a recent concert.

The mind-blowing event took over social media with one tweet questioning whether or not the elaborate event ended with Kanye getting back together with Kim with another one stating ‘Kim and Kanye are the weirdest divorcing couple I’ve ever seen’.


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‘Another version of ONE TV’; Nationalist Party calls out ‘Labour Party’s rule on PBS’

 - Local - Aug 27 SHARE ON:
'Another version of ONE TV'; Nationalist Party calls out 'Labour Party's rule on PBS'

The National Party has called out the Labour Party for its alleged ‘rule on PBS’ after the Public Broadcasting Services’ recruitment of three new journalists and two camera persons without a transparent selection process.

The PN has stated that it is ‘more evident than ever’ that the Public Broadcasting Authority has become an extension of the Labour Party and another version of ONE TV after employing five individuals, some of which without any journalistic experience. While shining a light on the fact that others have their own experience, the Nationalist Party expressed its concern with the fact that ‘many other individuals have the same or better skills and experience including over 100 graduates from the University of Malta and MCAST.

L-imħallfin din il-ġimgħa sabu lill-PBS ħati ta’ nuqqas ta’ imparzjalità li saħħet l-impunità li wasslet għal qtil…

Posted by Bernard Grech on Sunday, 1 August 2021

On August 1, PN leader Bernard Grech took to Facebook to share an excerpt of his argument on L-Erbgħa Fost il-Ġimgħa highlighting that PBS was found guilty of lack of impartiality and the strengthening of Malta’s impunity which led to the assassination of Daphne Caruana Galizia.

Claiming an abuse of power and an insult to the public’s intelligence, the PN stated that the Labour Party is securing its grasp on the PBS newsroom and that the only common goal is to follow the Labour Party’s agenda.

What do you make of this? Let us know in the comments!


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