The term ‘virginity’ may be outdated. Feminists have constantly pointed out how the term has traditionally framed female sexuality as a treasure which is either ‘given’ by women or simply ‘taken’ away. Other sexual educators noted how traditional narratives around virginity do not fully capture the multiplicity of people’s intimate lives. Members of the LGBTIQ community have also pointed out how heteronormative the term truly is, excluding all sexual experiences which are not heteronormative. So how should we frame the discussion around virginity?
Few have truly offered an alternative to phrases like ‘losing your virginity’. Enter Nicolle Hodges, a ‘sexual freedom philosopher’ from Toronto. She offered up a new substitute to cover for the transition towards more inclusive language surrounding virginity. She has proposed ‘sexual debut’. She didn’t expect much of the term when she first proposed it but, to her surprise, fans started to ask about an elaboration of this idea.
When it comes to the term ‘virginity’, she says its an old, rickety word which encapsulates what’s supposed to be an expansive term. Instead, it poses a limiting idea and phrase. By contrast, sexual debut seeks to remedy this perspective. As a phrase, it has existed for decades, as it has been used clinically to refer to ‘loss of virginity.’ Firstly, it introduces a sense of autonomy to a person’s sex life – virginity is no longer ‘lost’. Instead, people are free to enter the world of dating and sexual relationships on their own.
A skeptical view on ‘sexual debut’ came through sex educator Julia Feldman-DeCoudreaux, who, despite agreeing with the term virginity being too limiting, did not fully endorse ‘sexual debut’ as a term. She argues that using a term like sexual debut, just as virginity, one is still defining a person’s sexuality in the context of being intimate with another person. It seems to suggest that partnered sex is required for a person to debut sexually.
Feldman argues that it’s not just about one moment, despite culture tending to romanticize events. Despite this not changing any time soon, she agrees with Hodges in saying that we have an obligation to rethink and discuss such matters. It is certainly not a single moment where you flip a switch and that’s it. People continue to grow and therefore, so does their sexuality. As we find more accurate terms, it does seem like virginity as a concept might be lost to the history books.
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