Society will tell you to love yourself and then invent ways to shame you for saying it out loud. The word ‘slut’ has been used for hundreds of years, and in this day and age is still brandished – particularly at women, queer men and non-binary folk – in order to shame them for existing within any sexual state whatsoever.

Promiscuity is lauded for the young straight man, it is almost a superpower in the eyes of their peers. One is able to hear it from a young age – the straight boy showing romantic interest in many women will have their hand shaken and encourage smiles and ‘that’s my boy’ congratulations from people all around him, whilst their female friends would only encourage warnings and dismay, in doing exactly the same. Many of us are brought up with the rhetoric that it is the natural order of things for a man to aim for many female sexual partners, and the more ‘notches in the belt’ they can attain, the better.

The patriarchy, as a system, aims to maintain ownership of female sexuality in particular, as well as the narratives that don’t fit the heteronormative context that it so enjoys presenting everything to us within. Instead of being taught to accept oneself as having the ability to explore sexual expression, for instance, women are taught to nurture sexual shame and guilt, instead. The word ‘slut’ is hung over their heads, a moulding damp cloth – to be dropped, suffocating them at the mere mention of being sexual in any way.

Being sexual scares the patriarchy as a whole because it is an idea that exists purely within the realm of choice. One is able to express themselves sexually through their choice of clothes, actions, or even through their art. There is liberation in the self-allowance to explore and navigate these ideas, alone or with others. It is empowering, and perhaps empowered people really do scare others that much. Perhaps for society, being a human so entirely in control of their sexual expression intimidates it to the point of needing to snuff it out.

On the other hand, perhaps society is utterly wrong. Why do we continue to allow and participate in the existence of norms that consistently wish to repress our expression?

The system in place is built in order to only allow and encourage the state of being sexualised, which has to do with everything but choice. People find it so easy to label a sexual woman as a ‘slut’ whenever she is choosing to be sexual, and is not simply doing what another expects of her. This word is weaponised against people of all ages, and has long-lasting and traumatic effects. Friends and teachers and parents will insinuate in many scenarios that a young girl is being a ‘slut’, and thus slowly convince her that choosing to be sexual is wrong, and may only sexually express herself on another’s terms.

We are forcing generations upon generations of people to feel shame and self-hatred over self expression, to feel somehow like soiled objects whenever they make personal choices for themselves. On the other hand, we are encouraging feeling comfortable within oppressive and threatening situations, and normalising something as sinister as shame.

What one chooses to do with their body is nobody else’s business. Nobody has the right to label anyone else a ‘slut’, only to degrade them and keep them in a state that is easy to manipulate. We must rid ourselves of these oppressive terms, and in turn move away from the idea that anyone should control another’s body or self-expression. And if anyone still chooses to brandish this outdated and nonsensical label because of the way someone dresses or who they choose to have sex with, then in the words of the great Samirah Raheem:

“it doesn’t matter what a woman’s sexual history is, a slut is just a word you and your fellow penises made! Your momma’s a slut! Your grandma’s a slut! EVERYONE’s a slut!”

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