Reproductive health is being threatened in many places around the world – as it always has been – and right here on our doorstep in Malta it seems that we are still trying to catch up to decade’s old healthcare access. When it comes to fighting for equal rights, and a truly progressive intersectional world, we often hear those voices that are forced into making themselves heard – even at the risk of their own safety and increased trauma – because nobody is going to speak up for them. Those who suffer the most and are in the most vulnerable positions always end up having to beg, plead and cry in rooms that do not wish to listen to them, ending up depleted and drained of energy from merely asking to be treated equally. When we are faced with heightened moments of people’s rights being violated, particularly when it comes to reproductive rights, it is only natural that we end up asking a very important question.
Where are the men?
Whilst there are many men who are actively taking steps to become better allies, there is still a great lack of noise being made by men in many areas, especially when it comes to having difficult discussions with their male friends, and speaking up in online spaces on behalf of equality and reproductive rights – most particularly when it does not directly affect them. Whilst there are many reasons that men may not speak up, some are more understandable than others – although at this point almost none are excusable. The manner in which a patriarchal society is built allows those who exist with certain privilege to move around with what is best described as blind spots – perhaps even having a false sense of progression based on what they see purely in their immediate social bubble.
This does not only apply to men, there are many who are able to exist with these privileges within society, some to a greater extent than others, but in this case we are speaking of the men whose voices we desperately need in the move towards taking the next steps to become better. We are speaking of this because, in all honesty, we cannot do this without the men who need to be standing near us, lifting up the voices that need to be heard, in spaces within which they manage to exist so naturally at the top. Whether a man considers himself an overall ally to those who are still fighting for their rights in, or whether he is still brandishing a misogynistic world view taught to him by generations of misogynistic world views, we need men to sit down, truly hone in on their capacity for empathy, and reflect for a moment on what they truly have to lose by simply spending more time using their energy to fight for the those who are really, really exhausted.
There are many questions that need to be reflected on, but most importantly right now is how can someone, as a man, be a better ally in their everyday life. How can a man genuinely move away from their passive allyship, or their silence, into a space where their allyship morphs into a tangible daily habit? How can a man stop spending so much time tiring people out with online debates, and instead having fruitful discussions in which their main job is to sit quietly and listen?
This is no easy feat. We know. It takes effort to change the way one sees the world, it also takes a lot of effort to fight against the defensive state that has been taught to you as a natural reaction to having your world view threatened, but it also takes effort to fight for one’s bodily autonomy every single day, so this is where we have settled. A state of everyone needing to exert energy – some far more than others. Needless to say, this effort is worth it. And hopefully, one day, this effort will not be needed.
The primary call to action that we really have for men is to just spend some time listening. The best way to learn about what others need of you as an ally is to listen, and absorb, and truly learn what other people’s experience of the world looks like. It is very common for people to speak from the singular vision of their own context – to them, the world is fine. They don’t experience gender discrimination or lack of reproductive healthcare access, so why should anyone be fighting for it? Just because your reality looks a certain way, however, does not mean that it looks that way for everyone. This is privilege. This is the platform of safety and comfort from which you should be amplifying the voices of those who don’t get to feel so safe and comfortable.
Men, first and foremost, we really need you to listen.
And then we need you to make some noise.
Yes, we need you to make space for the voices that have got to be heard, and ask questions and listen to what others request of you, but then we need you to move to a point at which you are ensuring that those around you know what it is that you stand for. Especially those who disagree with you. Change is made in the small moments of daily life just as much as it is made on the world stage. Change is made in the habits you build. Your voice is so vital here because you are within the fortunate position of being able to use it so safely, and having the comfort of using it without risking your health, and sometimes even your life, holds the potential of changing the narrative in many scenarios.
Quietly considering yourself an ally to those who don’t get treated equally to you is no longer enough. It is not enough to look in from the sidelines, and then quietly watch your friends push against progress in their conversations, their mannerisms and the way they flippantly joke about loss of basic human rights. It is no longer enough to be a passive observer and feel as if that is enough, because every time you passively watch someone’s rights being taken away, or not being given to them to begin with, it is one more time that you are silently saying that that is okay. It is not okay, and you need to be there to demand better for those who you love, those who you know and those who you will never even meet. The world which you are able to fight for, the world in which people are given equal rights to healthcare and to life itself, is one that you benefit from also. Privilege allows you to not realise the change as much as those who are being silenced, but perhaps it is enough to simply know that it is a better world.
It is better because everyone wins, except those who fight against progress. Take this as a call to action or take this as an earnest plea – men, we need you to step up, and we need you to be louder. We need you to fight for the better world we fight for every day. We need you to stop emptily debating ideas with no aim but to tire both sides out, and we need you to direct your energy into clear, visible action. Into good habits.
We need you to be allies.
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